Disney’s Frozen and Frozen II contain some of my favorite songs, sung by some of my favorite singing voices. One of these singing voices belongs to Idina Menzel. Every since I watched Wicked live, I have been in love with her voice. And the songs Let it go and Into the Unknown are also really beautiful and powerful. Now, I absolutely adore For the First Time in Forever too, sung by Kirsten Bell and partially by Idina Menzel in Frozen.

I woke up today with the same weight on my shoulders as always: with a lack of self compassion, no hope for the future, a lot of self hatred, forcing myself to act like I’m fine in order to keep up the image of a grown up person - even though I live alone.

At the bus stop, waiting for the bus, on my way to my favorite coffe shop where I recently have begun summarizing a Swedish highschool textbook on electricity in English, I put on Let it Go. And Into the Unknown. And For the First Time in Forever for good measure. The first two song are so inspiring that I start walking instead of taking the bus. Then Anna started singing.

Her childish, gleeful song absolutely crushed me. Instead of letting it further invigorate me, all I could think of how I never managed to be any of what she sings about. Being so nervous about meeting new people that she’s […] gassy or somewhere in that zone. Waiting to fall in love. Hoping to dance all night. All I could think about was a childhood spent in bullying, alienation, isolation. Why don’t I just give up her and now. Get it over with. Because I have blood relatives - parents and siblings - whom I do not wish to hurt.

I’ll try to “reset” by listening to Wicked or something. Anyway, vent over. No need to comment, just needed to type it out of me.